A Letter to God

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This letter is to the Lord and to everyone willing to listen. Where do I begin? There is so much pain. There has always been pain since the beginning. The beginning of my life, their lives, our lives, those who don’t understand you or me yet, Father…. yes their lives… So much pain. Self-inflicted pain, pain from outward sources, pain by chance, pain through spiritual battles, and pain from those we lost. So many enduring questions about it all. Why do you allow it, Lord? How much Lord? When will it end Lord? Please don’t you hear me, Lord? It still isn’t stopping Lord. It’s getting worse and coming from every direction Lord. The cars are both broken, everyone is busy, I lost my last best chance at making money on the side, the neighbor doesn’t ever seem to have these issues and they go to church as well, Why again? When does it end? Will it ever? Is it me? Is it because of my past sins? What the heck answer me! I am trying to do everything in my power to acknowledge you and my paths still aren’t straight. It’s because of my slip-up yesterday getting impatient, isn’t it? How is this better than when I did whatever I wanted?!!…… Father…Where are you?… Then a song comes on the radio while sitting at Sheetz before heading home, on one of the days you feel like giving up… Called Gratitude by, Brandon Lake …Go listen to it now. And you see a post on tik tok before leaving the parking lot, that says…Stop worrying, I got this… Yeah, that was today. Even at the darkest times… you seem to just get closer and closer. It reminded me of the day that you touched the hood of my car with a  rainbow, right in front of me. It sent shivers through my whole body… Not the cold ones that make you shutter but the warm ones that make you feel like pure JOY. Like the God of the universe is visiting me when no one else can!! Well, not no one. There are a few very close people that care, mostly. My son. My husband. My parents. God you said today would be the day for something new. But it only seemed like the same old pain. Only I noticed something. I AM UTTERLY DONE WITH THE DEVIL GETTING BETWEEN YOU AND THOSE YOU LOVE!!!!! You LOVE THEM ALL!!! YOU WANT THEM TO KNOW THAT!!! I don’t know but maybe this whole time you just wanted me to share my story? My story is no different than anyone else. We all have pain and way more than we’d like. We all have struggles and pain and it’s about time we started acting with mercy towards each other regardless of our paths. We put on these false heirs for acceptance and out of fear and competition and then I know many of you still feel the pain of lonesomeness. A massive void.  Why? Is that truly necessary for you? Is it real? God didn’t intend for us to be alone, afraid, or troubled. But the devil does well to convince us all that it’s far better. We’re far better than others. Well really? Where does that pride get us? Does it get you loving friends? Happiness? No, I am afraid that it doesn’t give you anything real or tangible. No, it just gets you more pain. How do I know God? He is more present to me than anyone has ever been in my life!!! He knows the very moments to reach out and to let go. He let me go when I didn’t trust him and he took me back when I realized he was the only one to actually trust. If your heart is closed to God. Rethink it. And Rethink it hard.. Because you don’t know what you’re missing. I’d rather endure this life of pain for him, than not have him forever! I can’t even put into words how much this is a part of my whole being. Every cell, every part of my soul trembles at your truth, Jesus!!. Love them the way I know you have loved me. Show them even if they haven’t reached out to you. Give them something to go on. All of them. Help them see their real enemy and advesary!!! In Jesus’ name, before it’s too late. Help them see the cliff they head blindly towards. Help them see not everyone in the church is against your ways. Yes, there are wolves amongst the church flock and sometimes it’s even certain church leaders. Help them to see that is NOT of you Jesus. Help them to see there are people in church trying to follow you too. Give them a fighting chance. Thank you. Hallelujah, I love you imperfectly, but I love you. HALLELUJAH!!!  

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